Post Rhodium Nights Untitled
by lilow109
Summary: Who does Cragen go to after his shocking discovery in Rhodium Nights?
1. Chapter 1

He almost can't believe that the knocking he's hearing isn't all in his head. It's been almost a year since he's been woken up in the middle of the night by anything other than his own nightmares. He looks at the clock once more to make sure just one more time that this isn't a dream. 2:53. He sits up on the edge of the bed, and takes a few deep breaths as the knocking grows more frantic. He gives in and goes to the door. He turns the knob, having no idea what to expect.

"Captain?" he says in disbelief. His former boss stands there speechless with a haunted look on his face.

"Elliot…"

"Is everything okay?" he asked, knowing full and well it wasn't.

That's when Cragen looks down. Elliot follows his line of vision and sees his hands. They're covered in blood. "Oh my god, what happened? Do you need to go to a hospital? Let me call a bus," he says hurriedly.

Cragen looks at him with tears in his eyes. "It's not mine."

"What?" Elliot shakes his head. "Nevermind, just come on in."

Cragen numbly walks into the Stabler house and has a seat on the couch nearest the door. Elliot expects an explanation, but one doesn't come. If it had been anyone else, he would have offered them alcohol, but he knows Cragen doesn't drink anymore. _You never know, so much can change in a year. _"Can I get you some water?"

"I think I killed someone."

Elliot's eyes widen, but he hides his shock for Cragen's sake. _Killed someone? Cragen wouldn't- It's been a year, Stabler. So much can change._

"Tell me what happened."

"I don't know, you know?" Cragen says, his voice cracking. "I don't remember anything. I just woke up an hour ago next to a bottle of vodka and a dead woman…"

A moment of silence passes as Elliot wraps his head around all this. "Why did you come _here_?_"_ There were dozens of people dozens who would take a bullet for him, and most of them lived way closer than Queens.

"I didn't know where else to go. I haven't reported it yet, I can't… I didn't want to get any of my men in trouble. I know I have to report it, I just… I didn't know where else to go. I didn't touch a drop of alcohol for 20 years…" Cragen almost cries, _almost,_ but then he clenches his fist and aimlessly strikes the arm of the couch. "You've got to help me… the booze, it must have changed me because I swear, Elliot, I wouldn't…"

"I know, I know. But listen to me, Don, listen. It's going to look real bad if we don't call this in. We can only make the situation worse unless we report it."

Cragen nods, then stays silent and motionless on the couch.

Elliot slowly goes upstairs to get his cell phone. Cragen's in a lot of trouble, there's no doubt about it, but he still has a chance if the investigation is handled properly, by a competent detective. If he were in Cragen's situation, there was only one detective he would trust to handle his investigation.

"What was it?" Kathy mumbles.

"Work stuff," he says as he sits down on the edge of the bed. "Go back to sleep, hon. Don't worry if I'm gone when you get up though." Elliot doesn't want to worry her by filling her in on the situation; she's worried enough for one lifetime.

He opens his phone's contact list and scrolls until he finds that one detective's name. _Olivia Benson._ He could never bring himself to delete her number. He takes a deep breath, then initiates the call.

He'd clearly woken her up. He felt guilty, but at least she was sleeping okay. "Benson," she answers sleepily.

"Hey, Olivia," he says awkwardly. He suddenly feels guilty for cutting off all contact. He should have called. Should have visited. Should have given her an explanation. Should have done a lot of things.

Her eyes shoot open and she immediately sits up. "Elliot?" she says in disbelief. She hasn't heard from him in a year, then he calls her at 3:00 am? She immediately begins to worry, and unfortunately, her worries were not unfounded.

"Yeah, hey. Look, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm going to just come out and say it. Cragen showed up at my door 15 minutes ago with blood on his hands. He says he woke up next to a dead girl and a bottle of vodka. I know if I were in his shoes, there's only one person I'd trust to handle my case."

"Give me an hour." She hangs up.

The drive over is a long one. She'd been hoping, even praying to hear from Elliot ever since he quit. She never expected him to cut off contact, and it hurt more than it should have. At first, she would often dial his number on her cell phone and let it sit there for hours while trying to build up the courage to hit SEND. She never did. She told herself to give him time, and eventually he'd call. When months passed without a word from him, she stopped dialing his number, assuming that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Now, almost exactly a year later, he finally calls his ex-partner. She just wished he'd been calling his best friend.

[Author's Note: thank you for reading. I haven't entirely decided how I want this story to go, so I'm very open to any plot suggestions anyone might have. If you have any ideas, please leave them in the review section.]


	2. Chapter 2

A lump in her stomach forms as she pulls into Elliot's driveway. She dreads seeing him again. She knows she can't hide how much she misses him, and that bothers her. She's always wanted an unshakable façade, but could never quite maintain it. She reminds herself that she's here for Cragen, not Elliot, and walks to the door.

A year ago she would have skipped knocking and just walked in, but tonight she feels like an intruder. She reluctantly lifts her hand to knock when Elliot opens the door from the other side. She's shocked by how much older he looks even though it's only been a year since she's seen him. His hairline has receded just slightly more, and she can distinctly see gray hairs starting to take over the brown. His forehead is wrinkled a little more – worry lines – but he has no sign of crow's feet. He hasn't been smiling.

She just stares at him, searching her brain for something to say to him. She wants to ask him all of the questions that had been plaguing her mind for the last year: _Why didn't you tell me you were retiring? Why haven't you called? Why wouldn't you let me be there for you?_, but she doesn't. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he can treat her however the hell he wants without pushing her away. _It probably doesn't matter; I might never see him again._ Her eyes well up with tears at the thought. She quickly passes Elliot so he won't notice.

Elliot feels his chest start to implode with guilt. She walked right by him without saying anything. He finally did it; he pushed her away, and she isn't coming back. He thought she would have been okay without him. He's quick to silently correct himself. _You're all she had, asswipe, and you've treated her like nothing more than a coworker._ He flinches, but then reminds himself of the task at hand, and hopes there will be an opportunity for apologies later.

"Hey, Cap," she says kindly as she sits down on an ottoman facing the couch. The captain looks up at her, and then Olivia realizes she's staring at a broken man. But she knows deep down that he couldn't have killed anybody. Even if he did end his sobriety, he just didn't have it in him to kill a woman in cold blood, and she was determined to prove it. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Cragen takes a deep breath. "I, uh, I took a shower, I set up my coffeepot for the next morning, then I got in bed. I swear, Liv, I don't remember anything else."

Olivia nods solemnly. "We have to launch an official investigation. If IAB gets wind of us postponing it, we'll lose the investigation to them. They'll just hang you out to dry. I'm going to call Nick, okay?"

She starts to walk to the outside of Elliot's house to get some privacy for the call, trying desperately to avoid eye contact.

"Who's Nick?" Elliot asks nonchalantly once she's within whispering distance.

She looks him square in the eye. "My partner."


	3. Chapter 3

[Couldn't quite get a handle on this scene. Tried it a few ways, nothing really worked 100%. I know this isn't my best chapter, and I sincerely apologize.]

"_My partner."_

Elliot's stomach drops. She can tell, and it's oddly satisfying. _Now you know what it feels like. _She pulls her eyes away from him and steps outside.

"Amaro."

"Hey, sorry to wake you," Olivia says kindly. In their line of work, every minute of sleep is sacred.

"You didn't," he responds nonchalantly. "We catch a case?"

"Sort of, yeah." She explains everything that's happened. "Wake everyone up and get them down to the station. Tell Munch he's in charge until further notice. Notify IAB but _do not_ let them take the investigation."

"Alright. What are you doing?"

Olivia takes a deep breath. "I'll be down at the station with a witness in a few. Wait for me there. Send us an ambulance to transport Cragen to the hospital." She gives him Elliot's address and hangs up.

She goes back inside and sits down with the captain once again. "There's an ambulance coming to pick you up so we can collect evidence."

Cragen nods. Slowly, and silently. Olivia has always looked up to Cragen, and it's killing her to see him like this. He'd always been the tough one of the group. Maybe it was just because he never got too close to a case from his position as captain, but when a detective started to lose his head, he was always there to find it for them. Now that he's losing his, the entire squad might fall apart.

Minutes of silence pass. "Everything will be okay, Don," Olivia says as she hears the ambulance pulling up. "You've got the best detectives in the NYPD working on it."

Cragen stands and slowly walks to the door. He waits for it to be opened from the other side as not to get blood on the knob. He turns back and looks at Olivia. "Even that won't help me now." The door opens, and he's gone.

Olivia looks at Elliot, and takes a deep breath before speaking to try to keep her voice even. "I'm going to have to take you down to the station to get your official statement."

"Right," Elliot says quietly. He's still in shock from the events as well. He puts on some sweatpants and shoes, and then they're out the door.

They get in her car, her Mustang, as the call had come in when she was off duty. She starts the car and pulls out of his driveway without a word. Without a glance.

Elliot's guilt hasn't alleviated at all. He now wants nothing more than for things to go back to how they were. "Nice car," he comments, since he never got a chance to see it, hoping that breaking the ice would be the hardest part, and like relatives that haven't seen each other in a while, once the conversation was started it would have been like they were never apart.

When she does absolutely nothing to acknowledge his comment, he realizes it won't be that easy.

Thirty minutes of gut-wrenching silence pass. Elliot's just hoping that things can go back to the way they were. Olivia's just trying not to care that they never will.


	4. Chapter 4

[A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long. Studying for finals, then finals week, then a week to catch up on sleep...you guys probably know how that is. Anyway, please remember that I'm still open to plot suggestions, and I've almost exhausted all of the planning I'd had for this story before I started writing it, so suggest away! I'm almost 100% set on this not being E/O. I could go on for hours about why I never supported it, but the short version is that I think the lack of romance between them is what made their relationship so intriguing. Plus, I've always been a fan of the could-actually-happen fanfiction, and as of Elliot's retirement, he was with Kathy. Sorry about my rant, hope you all enjoy the chapter.]

Elliot finally can't take the silence anymore. He'd been somewhat successful at trying not to feel too guilty about not talking to Olivia for a year, but all his efforts had gone out the window after seeing the look on her face. She doesn't look sad, he notices. She looks numb. _What's happened to you, Liv?_

"How have you been?" Elliot finally asks. He had to say something. Had to show her he still cared.

"Not great," she answers bluntly.

He doesn't know how to respond to that. She always says she's okay, even when she isn't.

Elliot sighs and decides to give her time. She's been mad at him countless times over the course of their partnership… When he called in a safety detail for her without telling her. When he said he didn't believe men could be raped. When she thought he told Munch about her wanting a child…But she _never_ gave him the silent treatment; she always said what was on her mind. _Maybe it's different this time._

They pull up to the station, and silently ride up the elevator. Just before they reach the SVU squadroom doors, Olivia points past the squadroom, down the hall. "Interrogation B should be open."

Then she walks into the squadroom without another word.

The first one to notice her is Fin. "How's the captain, Liv?"

"Scared," she answers honestly. "Stabler's in Interrogation B."

"Elliot? Why?"

"Don went to his house after he found the body. You want the interview?"

"It's not like we're friends," he answers honestly. "I never really liked the guy."

Olivia nods, and smirks slightly. "Exactly."

Fin enters Interrogation B with a yellow legal pad and a pen. "What time did Captain Cragen arrive at your house this evening?"

"What, no 'hello'? No 'how you been'?" Elliot says in a desperate attempt to pretend nothing had ever happened between him and his squad.

"No, because I don't care how you've been, and I know damn sure you don't care about anybody else's wellbeing but your own."

"Come on, Fin, don't give me that crap. What's going on here?"

Fin pauses momentarily and speaks in a perfectly even tone. "I'm trying to interview a witness, but he isn't cooperating. What time did Cragen get to your house?"

"You know that's not what I mean. What's going on with Olivia?" He almost sounds desperate.

"If you cared so bad, maybe you should have checked up on her. Last time, Stabler: what time did Cragen get to your house?"

"Uh…Three. No, no, just before three. Two fifty-something." When Fin didn't immediately counter with another question, he jumped on the opportunity to get some more information out of him. "She seemed fine the last time I saw her, what happened?"

Fin sighed. "You did, you selfish son-of-a-bitch. You know, the day Cragen told her you were retiring, a uni went into the viewing room to look for his cell phone and saw her crying her eyes out in one of the interrogation rooms. Came and told me because he was worried about her."

Elliot's stomach drops. "What? I-I thought she would be okay. She's always been okay."

"No she hasn't; you just haven't been there for her. She trusted you, and you left her. Just like every other man in her life. Claim you're best friends and then don't talk to her for a year? What the hell is that? She's really gone downhill since you left."

Elliot's forehead scrunches up in worry. "What do you mean?"

He's upset, Fin can tell. He talks to him not to help him, but knowing that what Olivia really needs is their friendship back.

"Just the little things, man. You know deep down that Olivia's always been a beauty queen. New hairdo every year, outfits only last a season, that kind of thing. For a few months after you left, she'd come into work with her hair looking like she just got out of bed. I don't know if that's the new style or something, but it just wasn't like her. Anyway, that went away once she started dating that ADA."

He ignores the dating comment. For now.

"What else." He says it as a statement, not a question, because he knows there's more to come.

"Zoning out at her desk, being insensitive or getting overinvested. She's hangin' in there though. Cragen's on to her though sometimes; says she's not pulling her weight."

Elliot nods repeatedly, trying to understand what's happened to his partner. "But…her new partner, he's a good guy?"

"Yeah, he watches her six pretty good. Saved her life a few months ago. She's in good hands, Stabler. Now, we really need to talk about Cragen…"


End file.
